I will really miss seeing our band posters up around campus. I haven't written much about redvinegar here because I am not sure what to say... there is so much to be said... but it's also sort of it's own thing independent of Chicago. One thing I have always been really proud of in this band is the artwork and graphics that we've put together, which have (mostly) been a joint effort between myself and Phil (with Phil taking the considerably larger part). This includes the website and the record artwork. Anyway, we have made some great posters over the years, and it's usually been my job to put them up around campus.... and I won't miss that job.
I'm not sure why I don't like it. I have some strange personality quirks. On the one hand, I love being distracted -- I practically majored in procrastination and work's major struggle for me is staying on task. On the other hand, I hate interruptions and things which are not necessarily that big of a deal take on these huge weights in my mind. Getting up and walking all over campus taping up posters is one of those things that always feels like an interruption to me, and always takes longer than you think. And so time flies on.
Along with that, I always feel like I'm doing something wrong. And in reality, I am. Our posters are never approved, because we're not an official campus organization (or sponsored by one). So while I put them up, I also realize that anyone can (and probably will) take them down. Plus, I'm 10 years older than some of the students on campus -- I'm this old guy wandering around taping up posters... when I was a college freshman, I didn't get what it meant to be in a band, and seeing some almost-30 year old guy wandering around putting up posters for his band would have made me immediately skeptical, as though that guy should get a life, or something. I don't know. I'm not saying I'm proud of that -- but it's true. Maybe I wouldn't have though that a 28 year old was that old... I don't know. Captain was 24 and he seemed very old, comparatively. On top of all that, I'm an employee of the university. That makes things more ok in some ways; I'm a part of the community. But the older I get and the more serious about my job I get, the less I like blurring those boundaries.
But what I *am* going to miss is seeing the posters up around campus. There's something about seeing your poster up there with everything else, or peeking out from the side of a lamp post, or stuck on a window 2 weeks after the show is over. I'm especially proud of the current poster, which draws on some artwork I did for a conceived webcomic called New Federalia. Phil always really liked the artwork I did, and we got some help from our friend mikeo' with the layout for the poster version. (Incidentally, mikeo' did the custom artwork for the final show poster.) I really like it.
Anyway, walking around, seeing those posters up makes me feel like I'm really doing something, producing something in life, even if it is something small and appreciated by a small amount of people. I have a big complex about doing something "important" in life, which generally translates in my mind into "something that a lot of people really like," which ultimately is a really selfish way about evaluating the importance or relative value of your life... yet I do it. I am a sucker for approval and praise. Seeing posters up, no matter how "small change" or "big fish in a small pond" it may be, still rubs that phrenological spot on my brain. I'll miss that.
I'll probably miss it because I won't have time (or a band for) to put up posters, but hopefully I'll miss that because I'll get over the idea that to live an important life you have to do something heroic or widely appreciated.
